(I’m starting a new series here on my blog, called “Confessions”. They will be mini stories that are part diary, part story, that I hope you enjoy. Here’s the first one!)
I have a confession to make. Yesterday I smacked my husband in the head with a dildo.
I had good reason to. You see, there we were, all snuggled up in bed together, watching House of Cards on Netflix. The children were napping in their room, the phone wasn’t ringing, I didn’t have any pressing work to do, and neither did he. So I smooched on him and nuzzled my face into the side of his neck, when he pulled back and told me no.
“No? What do you mean, ‘no’?” I asked him.
“I don’t wanna,” he said. “You took everything I had yesterday.”
“What’s that got to do with today?”
“Everything. I’m not horny today.”
“But I am.”
“Well, I said no.”
“That’s your final answer?”
So I turned over, reached into my drawer, pulled out a rubbery dildo, and then smacked him in the head with it. Because I mean really — is it acceptable for a husband to tell his hot wife ‘No’?
While he sat there staring at me, mouth gaping open, I then proceeded to use the object I’d just abused him with, right there in front of him.
Shows him right for denying me.