Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 9th year of marriage and 15 total years as a couple. As I’ve confessed more than once online, my love for that man grows more and more each year rather than diminish, so I thought I’d fun instead to post a list of reasons why I’m fictitiously leaving my husband. The reasons themselves aren’t fictitious -he’s truly guilty as charged of everything listed - but the reasons to stay far outnumber the reasons not to, so I’m not really going anywhere. 
- He’ll refuse to read a book I recommend just because it’s got a picture of a hunky man on the front or the cover looks too “girly” for him to be seen with it
- Even after 15 years of my complaining, he still leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and the tv on when he’s not watching it
- He scratches and sniffs himself after a good workout or a long day of tending to the yard
- He thinks “Spartacus” is a better show than “Private Practice”
- He tells me “no”. As if he doesn’t have to obey me, or something.
- He thinks “Hot damn, your booty is big!” is a compliment
- He keeps bringing home chocolate (likely a conspiracy for #7)
- Sometimes, he says tells me he can’t because he has a headache. Seriously, what husband does that?
- He farts in the middle of the night – UNDER the sheets with me in it!
- He made me spawn two children that are just as bad as he is
- The children and I often trip over his size 14 shoes when he forgets to put them away
- He keeps getting my socks mixed up with his, wearing them, and stretching them hopelessly out of shape
- I love him too much, can’t imagine life without him. That’s just not right, I’m telling you! Nobody should be so in love!
And there you have it. Valid reasons why I should leave my husband! (*sticks out my tongue at my husband in case he’s looking*)
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