13 Jobs I’m Glad I Don’t Have

by ** Tatiana Caldwell ** on July.15.2010

Ever have one of those days at work that are so painful, you almost swear you have the worst job in the world? I was almost there today. But then I thought about jobs that I could have that really would feel like the worst jobs ever to me, and I immediately began to feel better about the one I have. Please note that if you have any of these jobs, I mean no offense, of course. :)

  1. Jail/Prison Guard (cavity searches and taming angry, confined criminals? no thanks)
  2. Circus Acrobat (the pressure! the danger!)
  3. Roofer (I have no balance)
  4. Gladiator or Cage Match Fighter (you mean I might DIE in the name of entertainment?!)
  5. Adult Film Star Fluffer (all work, none of the fun)
  6. Slave / Forced Laborer (sometimes I wonder whether or not I already have this job …)
  7. Obstetrician (screaming women in painful labors that start at 1 am? booo)
  8. Street Prostitute (I’m not even comfortable approaching a car just to give a stranger directions …)
  9. President of the USA (don’t even get me started)
  10. Fashion Model (seriously, what would I do with all of this booty?)
  11. Hotel Maid or Hospital Janitor. Zoo Cleaner. Portable Toilet Cleaner. Public Restroom Janitor. (ewww, the germs, the stench, the horror!)
  12. Star Wars Storm Trooper (you’re considered rather disposable by the Republic, and pretty much guaranteed to die fighting a Jedi)
  13. Criminal working for a Crime Boss (I never understood why anyone would bother to work for a devious criminal – even if you too are a criminal. Haven’t you seen The Godfather, Carlito’s Way, or the 6 o’clock news? Chances are high that YOUR BOSS MIGHT KILL YOU)
  14. Bonus: Helen Keller’s Teacher (I mean how do you – how can you – wow!)

I recommend you make your own list of dreadful jobs that you can refer to whenever you’re feeling pretty disgusted at your current one and need an uplift.

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

David Bridger November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I worked one summer as a roofer's labourer when I was at college. Hardest physical work I've ever done. The weather was great and I was a lot fitter by September than I'd been in June, but I wouldn't like to do it for a living.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Yeah? It just looks like a scary job to me.

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Stephanie Bennett November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Okay, now I'm curious. What exactly is an Adult Film Star Fluffer? LOL! Do tell! ;) Happy Thursday!

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

A fluffer is the one who "prepares" the male adult film actor. You know … so that he can "perform" ….

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Wilfredo November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

1. I don't mind taming, but I can do without the cavity searches.

2. Are you kidding me? I can then double as a costumed vigilante. I have thought much about this,

3. The falls would be funny to other people though.

4. I would want to get really good at it; I should know this after the first fight.

5. I wouldn't mind seeing a porn documentary about fluffers.

6. I'm already a laborer of love!

7. And miss the opportunity to be elbow-deep in placenta?

13. It's also non-union!

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

*laughs* You're a riot, Wil!

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Paige Tyler November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

LOL! You're too funny! And while I wouldn't want to be a Storm Trooper, I find them very sexy!

*hugs*

Paige

My TT is at http://paigetylertheauthor.blogspot.com/

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Sexy? *rubs chin* But you can hardly see them!

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Elise Logan November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I wouldn't want to be a proctologist, either. Or about 2/3 of the jobs Mike Rowe has done on Dirty Jobs.

I actually did assist on a turtle necropsy (similar to Mike's whale necropsy one), and it was absolutely the most vile experience. I have no desire to repeat that *shudder*

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Okay, proctologist could have gone on my list. Never seen Mike Rowe, but ANY necropsy doesn't sound like much fun to me.

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Darla November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

These are great! I really needed a boost like this. I'm working on a list of thirteen things that are good about my job. So far, I don't have enough to post this week, so I went with something else. LOL Best wishes!

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

13 good things about your job would make a great post! I'm glad mine helped give you a boost – I sure needed it, heh!

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Alice Audrey November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I was a hotel maid for a summer. It wasn't all that bad.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Heh, I'll take your word for it. ;)

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CCDreamz November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I am giggling way too much at your list to even attempt to respond. Other than female prison guards have a different perspective in the male prisons. That's all I'm going to say and I'm going back to giggling hysterically now.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

*giggles like mad with you*

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Inez Kelley November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

hmmm, I can agree with some of those. Mostly right now I am thinking working in the boiler room of the Titanic must have really sucked.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

ha, that's a good one!

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Sherri November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Child Care Worker. As a public children's librarian, I have the utmost respect for them. Because I couldn't watch the little snot-nosed spoiled monsters that they bring to us once a week for storytime without going to jail for infanticide.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Yes, agreed about Child Care Worker.

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Heather November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Great list, Tatiana, I would agree with you on all of these. I'm not thinking I'd want to wrestle alligators, either.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

*rubs chin in consideration*

Nyah. Me neither.

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Jennifer Leeland November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I just think about being a waitress. That was miserable for me. I sucked at it.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I think I'd be a terrible waitress. I'm far too clumsy.

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london November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

teaching kids is always top of my list…

not just 'kids today' either.. any kids at any time..

i would have not wanted to teach me even…

i was part of an obnoxious group of pupils who delighted in toying with supply teachers by asking degree level questions just to see if they knew their subject and were worthy to be standing before us…

we were horrible…

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

I used to want to be a teacher. Sometimes I still think about it – the molding of bright young minds and the summers off thing just sounds so worth the torture.

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FubsyNumbles November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

1. Politician (no, not a crooked one, an actual politician)

2. A commis for Gordon Ramsey

3. A journalist at the Daily Mail (that's a quite parochial one, that, sorry Wanna! Consider it our print version of Fox News.)

4. Glenn Beck's make-up artist

5. Teacher of any children 16 or under

6. Soldier

7. Chinese factory worker

8. Curator for Dubya's inevitable library (think about it…..)

9. Recycled waste-sorter

10. Fishmonger

11. The "Jerome" to Kanye's "Morris Day" (you know he must have one)

12. A haemorrhoids specialist

13. Social worker.

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

*laughs*, good list, Fubs! Interesting to see that so many think being a teacher in general is horrible

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Ansha Kotyk November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

OMG you made me laugh out loud this morning. GREAT list. I love your humor. I wondered down from your how to post, and I'm glad I did! :)

Secretly I always wanted to be Helen Keller's Teacher. ;) (I even worked at Perkins School for a time… in the IT department, not as a teacher… but still. ;)

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** Tatiana Caldwell November 29, 1999 at 6:00 pm

Glad I could make you laugh, Ansha!

You must have a heart of gold (and the patience of an angel) to have wanted to be Helen Keller's teacher! I used to want to work with deaf children, but I can't imagine what I'd do for a child that couldn't see nor hear. Bless your heart!

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