It seems as if most of the single people I encounter these days have quite the pessimistic view of love and marriage. They believe things like:
- At least one spouse in every marriage cheats
- That there isn’t someone out there for them
- Love doesn’t last forever and passion fades over time
- People are not designed to settle down with one mate for the rest of their lives
and other such depressing views. I think people believe stuff like this because the negative things always gets publicity while no one ever really stops to talk about the good times in marriage. Complaints are always the loudest. I personally know several very happily married couples, including my parents (who have been together for over 30 years) and my husband and I. So I’d like to take the time to praise what I love about a healthy marriage or long-term relationships, while sharing a few secrets and dispelling some myths in the process.
** The Sex is Fantastic **
MTYH: “Having sex with the same one person for the rest of your life would get really boring.”
I’ve actually heard this point of view come from various men and women when they explain why they think marriage sucks, or why they think it must be hard for married people to stay faithful. Although this probably feels true for some people, I think the truth is that they don’t realize they are not bored because of WHO they are having sex with, but rather with HOW they are having sex. It is very likely that if you were to have sex the exact same way with even a thousand different people, you’d still eventually get bored at some point.
Do you know what I think really excites people about being with a new person? Having a new kind of sexual experience, feeling wanted and lusted after, spontaneity, exploring someone and being explored by someone, and discovering new techniques and different ways to give and receive pleasure.
All those things you can have with the person you are already with.
In fact, the passion can be STRONGER with that one person you’ve been with forever than with someone “hot” and new. You and your significant other know all of each other’s erogenous zones. You are completely comfortable with each other, and are less inhibited to experiment. You trust, love and respect this person, which can make the sensuality between you that much more intimate. There are no holds barred.
The feeling of new lust, pursuing or being pursued and the thrill of the forbidden that may make one THINK that the sex with some new conquest is more exciting than with the long-term lover, is generally only temporary. It doesn’t hold a candle to the fire that can be flamed in a committed relationship.
** You’re Part of a Duo **
Once you tie the knot you are no longer just an individual in this world (not in a healthy relationship, anyways). You now have double the resources, double the family, double the troubles, double the dreams. ”What’s his is ours but what’s mine is mine” or any other variation of that attitude are signs of a failing or endangered relationship. Your relationship, family, endeavors and wealth will all fare for the better once you stop looking at yourselves only as individuals and look at each other as a team. This doesn’t just mean sharing each other’s “stuff”, though. This means supporting each other’s educational and career moves, watching each other’s credit scores, helping one prevent or overcome an unhealthy addiction, etc. A success for one is a success for the couple, and when one of you fails – you both fail. But when you’re part of a dynamic duo, you never have to go at it alone.
This site was designed by
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I loved reading this. It’s such an encouragement to know that there are still happily-and passionately-married people out there.
There’s been a couple of divorces in my old-fashioned family recently, so a lot of my cousins are getting a little jaded(none of us between 22 and 35 are married, and that’s quite a few). But to balance it-and I guess to spit in the eye of unhappiness-my mother just got remarried; and I have to say I’ve never seen her smile so much(or heard so much about her sex life, OY!). *lol*
Damn….I can definitely appreciate this post. Of course I have it within my heart to enjoy what I once enjoyed, but it seems like a hassle trying to find it. So I just said f*ck it and stopped looking.
I love seeing and hearing about healthy relationships and marriages because it inspires me to believe that it’s possible. At first I thought there was something wrong with me, and it still could be, but after reading post and articles and books such as these….your words and your actions tell me that it’s possible.
I like how you put it – it’s better to go @ it together, rather than alone.
Amen.
Thank you soooo very much for this post. I’m single and I’ve heard ALL the negative things and know several wonderful single men who have these negative views simply because of married friends who’ve not provided “good examples” of a good solid marriage.
Thanks for the encouragement!!!
Awesome Post! I agree 100% with everything said.
I really appreciated reading this. I tend to have a more optimistic view on love & marriage than the majority of my peers and it can be frustrating, to say the least.
T.,
Thanks for sharing this. This is something very interesting to know since I am getting married next year. I’ve been an observer of marriages for years.
Wow! This is an excellent post! I agree with every word. I have been happily married for more than 7 years. My husband still flirts with me and makes my stomach feel like it has butterflies. We hold hands everywhere we go. You said it right: we are a team, a dynamic duo! Thanks for sharing this wonderful post about marriage!
Btw, I found you through Don.
Sherri – it seems like a lot of people are getting jaded about love and marriage. I am glad to hear though that you are getting to witness the effects of a healthy marriage. Congratulations to your mom!
Don – it is possible and I believe in my heart that you will find what you are looking for, really. You just have too much love to give for the universe to not have provided you with the another “right” woman to receive it.
Choc – that’s exactly why I wrote this post. Not enough people are talking about the good!
Badwolf – thanks! (I LOVE that name, by the way)
deutlich – yeah, I know what you mean. The pessimism is prevailant it seems.
Tyhitia – I am happy to hear that you are getting married soon!
Bookworm Girl – thank you for visiting! Your great comment about your happy marriage put a smile on my face. I hope to see you around.
I must admit that of family, friends and coworkers, I know about 80% are either cheaters or w/ cheating spouses. It’s quite nauseating to hear about such encounters since I’m not married.
I do know w/o a doubt that what you speak is the truth and society will never determine what I can and cannot have in regard to marriage and happiness. Although it is very discouraging at times. LOL
Thanks, Verbal. I always appreciate your words of encouragement.