It seems as if most of the single people I encounter these days have quite the pessimistic view of love and marriage. They believe things like:
- At least one spouse in every marriage cheats
- That there isn’t someone out there for them
- Love doesn’t last forever and passion fades over time
- People are not designed to settle down with one mate for the rest of their lives
and other such depressing views. I think people believe stuff like this because the negative things always gets publicity while no one ever really stops to talk about the good times in marriage. Complaints are always the loudest. I personally know several very happily married couples, including my parents (who have been together for over 30 years) and my husband and I. So I’d like to take the time to praise what I love about a healthy marriage or long-term relationships, while sharing a few secrets and dispelling some myths in the process.
** The Sex is Fantastic **
MTYH: “Having sex with the same one person for the rest of your life would get really boring.”
I’ve actually heard this point of view come from various men and women when they explain why they think marriage sucks, or why they think it must be hard for married people to stay faithful. Although this probably feels true for some people, I think the truth is that they don’t realize they are not bored because of WHO they are having sex with, but rather with HOW they are having sex. It is very likely that if you were to have sex the exact same way with even a thousand different people, you’d still eventually get bored at some point.
Do you know what I think really excites people about being with a new person? Having a new kind of sexual experience, feeling wanted and lusted after, spontaneity, exploring someone and being explored by someone, and discovering new techniques and different ways to give and receive pleasure.
All those things you can have with the person you are already with.
In fact, the passion can be STRONGER with that one person you’ve been with forever than with someone “hot” and new. You and your significant other know all of each other’s erogenous zones. You are completely comfortable with each other, and are less inhibited to experiment. You trust, love and respect this person, which can make the sensuality between you that much more intimate. There are no holds barred.
The feeling of new lust, pursuing or being pursued and the thrill of the forbidden that may make one THINK that the sex with some new conquest is more exciting than with the long-term lover, is generally only temporary. It doesn’t hold a candle to the fire that can be flamed in a committed relationship.
** You’re Part of a Duo **
Once you tie the knot you are no longer just an individual in this world (not in a healthy relationship, anyways). You now have double the resources, double the family, double the troubles, double the dreams. ”What’s his is ours but what’s mine is mine” or any other variation of that attitude are signs of a failing or endangered relationship. Your relationship, family, endeavors and wealth will all fare for the better once you stop looking at yourselves only as individuals and look at each other as a team. This doesn’t just mean sharing each other’s “stuff”, though. This means supporting each other’s educational and career moves, watching each other’s credit scores, helping one prevent or overcome an unhealthy addiction, etc. A success for one is a success for the couple, and when one of you fails – you both fail. But when you’re part of a dynamic duo, you never have to go at it alone.
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